Something very special happened to me this afternoon. As I am going through a season of discouragement and questioning my call to write, God surprised me by bringing my attention to an old piece of writing I had posted on the blog two years ago. A small text of a few lines…
For some reason, “My Gratitude for God’s Love” is ranking at the top of the list of the most consulted articles this January, with an average consultation time of more than 25 minutes. I thought, “This is ridiculous! From memory, this article isn’t even that profound. It’s only a few words of thanksgiving… What makes it so popular?” Then, as I clicked on the link and reread it, the glacier that had been compressing my heart for several weeks began to crack. The freezer that had become my chest started to warm up as my eyes were scanning the words on the screen. Soon, a whole block gave way to the sound of Jesus Culture’s worship song “Your Love Never Fails” which was concluding the blog post. Then, a torrent of living water gushed out of my entire being. These words that scrolled across my laptop, these words that I had written and relegated to oblivion, these words were meant for a season just like this one—a cold, barren, dark season, with a blurry vista that breeds nothingness.
I have brought myself to believe that God had called me to write to help people who, like me, suffered from depression or other mental and spiritual health disorders. In doing so, I had forgotten that God is much more concerned with building my character than with how much I can accomplish in good works. God is perpetually transforming and forming me through the therapeutic exercise of writing. He called me to this “hidden” ministry primarily to form me. Each step of this process is useful for the sanctification of my soul—from inspiration to prayer, from meditation to the choice of words, from the layout to publication, from sharing to rereading, from rereading to remembering. Nothing happens by chance; everything is part of His plan of restoration for me. It is this souvenir that God extended out to me like a pole, as I was drowning in the middle of icy waters. The opposing currents were dragging me to certain death, but He used the power of His love to bring me back to Him.
“Daddy, I thank You for this reminder and for setting me straight. You do not change. Your Love never fails. You make all things work together for my good. I thank You for the broken hearts You comfort and restore through the ministry of this blog. Each one of them matters deeply to You. Let me think of each of these people, each individual as I share what I have received from You. May I value each of the precious readers You have guided to these lines. Amen!”
Image credit by Autstots
