No matter what people say, family is precious. It is the foundation on which individuals and societies are built. My family, probably like yours, is not perfect; however, it remains the nest where I take refuge when storms are raging or when I feel alone. Unfortunately, family is often the backdrop to the tragic dramas that deeply affect us. These dramas can either tear apart the bonds that hold family members together, or they can strengthen these bonds more than ever before.
Nothing Like the Magic of Christmas to Rekindle the Family Spirit
I have always loved the holiday season: the Christmas carols, the decorations, the first snow falls, the food, the office parties, the shows, midnight mass and family gatherings. In short, I love all of the effervescence that surrounds this season. On top of that, it’s a wonderful opportunity to remind those we cherish just how much we love them and to rekindle that family spirit that lives within us.
The Drama that Turned my Family Upside Down
Unfortunately, drama does not wait until the end of the festivities before it comes pounding at the door. On the night of December 31 into January 1, 2015, my aunt, her partner, and my cousin perished in a fire that started in their apartment kitchen located on the eighth floor of a residential building in Queens, New York. This incident roughly coincided with my father’s recent diagnosis of Alzheimer’s just six months prior. On top of this was the loss of my sister’s employment in a position that she had held for over 18 years; and for myself, I succumbed to another romantic heartbreak.
You could say that our family was severely strained with heavy ordeals. Tragic deaths and seemingly insurmountable trials—these were the things that we were often faced with in the Jean-Charles family:
- The sudden and unexplained death of my father’s little brother during a trip to Haiti. He left behind his wife and two small children.
- My cousin, who was one of these infants, had to watch the same pattern repeat itself with her own children when she was older. During her birthday party, her partner suffered an alcohol intoxication that led to his death.
- The assault of my nephew Kevin, followed by his murder, was probably the worst we have ever had to face as a family.
- During the same time, the wife of one of my uncles was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. It is said that bad news never comes alone. In our case, this seems to be the rule rather than the exception.
Family Dramas that Tarnish the End-of-Year Holiday Season
Ever since these numerous family dramas, the end-of-year festivities have been tainted with apprehension and melancholy. I am apprehensive about receiving bad news and remembering those who left us so suddenly. I will always remember the morning of January 1, 2015, when I learned of the death of some of my family members. I was at my cousin’s house in Longueuil with his wife and my two friends. We had spent the night looking through photos, laughing, and talking about the Christmases of our childhood.
I specifically remember that in the middle of the night, my cousin and I started talking about our aunt Louise and her niece (our cousin) Nadia, and Nadia’s late mother who had died a year and a half earlier. We were reminiscing on the good times that we had spent on vacation in the United States. In that very moment, as we were chatting away, we had no idea that Nadia was dying next to our Aunt Louise, suffocating from smoke inhalation.
Around 8 a.m., my cousin’s wife received a call from her sister in New York. I remember that as she listened on the phone, her expression immediately changed. My cousin had already fallen asleep several hours ago, so she did not want to disturb him. I felt like it was time for me to go and let them sort out the bad news amongst themselves. While I was on the highway heading back home, my phone started ringing repeatedly. It was my cousin. I found it rather odd that he would call me right when I had just left his home, and also because we were supposed to see each other later that evening at his father’s house for the annual holiday party.
Announcing the Death of Some Family Members
When I arrived at my parents’ house, my mother had gone to work, and my father was already up. Normally, he did not wake up before 10 a.m. The home phone rang; it was my uncle. He wanted to talk to my mother, and he sounded hesitant. I found it strange that he called so early in the morning and that he refused to talk to my father (his brother), but I didn’t insist.
Finally, my cell phone started ringing again. It was my older sister and brother on the phone:
- Hello?
I heard a cry. Then some gibberish. Then contained tears, and another cry.
- Hello?
- They are dead.
- What? Tcho, is that you? I don’t understand what you are saying.
My sister replied:
- Thalie, they all died in the fire.
- But who did?
- Nadia… and Auntie… They died in the fire last night.
Taking the Blow
I had trouble digesting the information that was given to me. I heard my sister tell me that my uncle was waiting for my mom to come home so that she could break the news to my dad. I remember wanting to just get out of the house. I remember being told to not get behind the wheel or wander out onto the streets. I needed to get some fresh air. I was unable to cry. I needed to get out, but I had been told to stay put.
I phoned my little sister and urged her to join us at our parents’ house. She too had just gotten back from some festivities. It was only when my mother came home and we broke the news to her that I burst out into tears. I hadn’t slept all night, the phone was ringing off the hook, and visitors were coming in and out of our house as the news continued to spread.
It was a bustling 1st of January just like any other, but this time, instead of the traditional New Year’s greetings, we received heartfelt condolences over the phone and social media networks. For my part, I was so emotionally drained that I spent a good part of the day sleeping, which also allowed me to escape the images of the fire that were playing over and over again on social media.
Family Dramas that Brings Us Together or Tears Us Apart
Two weeks later, we were all reunited in New York to say our final goodbyes. It was an opportunity for us to gather as a family and to see those who were far from us in distance, but close to our hearts.
I have to say that this tragic incident brought us closer to one another. But not all trials are the same. While this grief united us, another one caused bonds to break. Yes, family is precious. There may be ups and downs, but in the words of my nephew:
“In the end, when there is nothing left—only your family is still there to love you.”
Kevin
My Prayer for This End of Year
“Papa, I pray for the person who is reading this text and who lives in conflicting relationships with members of his or her family. I pray that during this end-of-year season, you would grant them joy and peace that only You can give. I pray for the person reading this text who will be alone on Christmas and New Year’s Day: I pray that you would allow them to connect and build lasting relationships with new people. Finally, I bring before you the person who is reading this text and who is experiencing or has experienced family drama. You say in your Word that you are our Strength and that through your Son, you give us life in abundance. I pray that the rivers of living water would overflow into this person’s life and into their family’s. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen!“
