Several years ago, during a discussion among girls, my dance teacher told us that whatever happens in our lives, whether good or bad, does not only affect us, but also our entourage. She told us that sometimes, the impact of our circumstances, good or bad, is for the benefit of others: either to bless them, or to help shape them. While listening to her, I told myself that this principle was simple to understand when it came to blessings. For example, one could easily see how someone who wins the lottery could bless their loved ones or some charitable organizations. But what to make of a child’s illness? How can this misfortune help their entourage? I remember when she had given the example of one of her students, older than us, who became an orphan at a young age. She said that the death of her parents allowed her to become a courageous and responsible young lady. What our teacher explained to us seemed fair to the extent that life experiences, whether good or bad, shape us into who we are. Up until recently, I did not truly understand the subtlety of my teacher’s explanation.
My Father’s Illness
As you know, I have been my father’s caregiver for over 5 years now. Therefore, I saw every part of my father’s cognitive degeneration. Little by little, I saw him lose each one of his faculties: language, concentration, memory, reasoning… Then it was his autonomy and his motor skills. I think there is nothing more painful than watching a person we love so deeply, die a slow death. The worst thing in all of this is that he knew it was happening. He saw himself drifting away and getting confused with his memory. He suffered greatly in feeling his own mind diminish. I saw him weeping, lamenting before God, and hoping for a miracle. I saw the disease eating away at his soul, his body, and attacking his mind. Despite all of this, what is extraordinary is that even in his despair, even in his anxiety and depression, my father never ceased loving God nor did he stop hoping for some sort of healing. Even in his moments of confusion or aloofness, the name of God always remained on his lips. Even now, he still remembers many worship songs and some biblical passages. Often, it is when he is praying that he is the most coherent in his speech. My father always loved prayer and worship. He loved God and even now in his impaired state, he continues to worship and adore Him.
The Impact of My Father’s Illness on My Life
I don’t know the ways in which this disease affected my father’s heart. I don’t know if it brought him closer to God, or if it strengthened his faith, or weakened it. On the other hand, I do know what his illness stirred up in me. In particular, it brought me closer to my father and gave me the opportunity to show him how much I love him. Not that he ever doubted it; he knows very well that I have always loved him. However, I went from being daddy’s little princess to becoming his babysitter. But it is my willingness to serve him that shows him everyday that I love him.
I remember one time, at the beginning of his illness, my dad wanted to show me how the electric panel works. He said to me, “When I will no longer be able to take care of it, you will need to be able to do it yourself.” I responded to him saying that when he would no longer be around, my husband would take care of it and he did not have to worry about it. I was determined to preserve my “princess” title. However, man proposes and God disposes… Therefore, I ended up learning how to reset a tripped breaker, how to use a tool box, and how to install flooring. I am still a princess, of course, but I am an independent princess who knows how to use an electric drill.
I am not pretending to understand the reasoning and designs of God, but I believe that in His omniscience, He must have known that the cost of my father’s illness was less than the long term gain my father and I would benefit from.
The Impact of My Depression on Others
After my depression, I received this conviction that the experience that I had lived through would serve others. My mission was to serve those who suffered. It’s for this reason that I decided to pursue my studies in theology to become a chaplain and that I later started the Anathalie’s Diary project. What I lived through not only contributed to my growth, but God also used it for the good of others living through difficult situations.
In life, we don’t just receive candy and chocolate. We also stumble upon lemons. We can either bite into them with full force and make faces all the way through, or we can turn the lemons into lemonade to get the most out of them. In other words, we can continuously ask ourselves: “Why is this happening to me? Why me? Why now?” or we can meditate on questions that we can find answers to, such as: “In my situation, how can I help others? In which ways do the things happening in my life affect my entourage in a positive or negative way? How can I make a difference?”
Papa, I pray for the life of the person reading this text today. I pray that you would support them through any life situation that they may be going through right now, whether good or bad . I pray that you would communicate to them your strength and show them how their experiences can be used for the good of others. Make them shine bright no matter the circumstances in their lives. Amen!
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